


fire in my chest

by peachsneakers



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Roceit - Freeform, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 04:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21155882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: It's pointless. He knows that much. (It's not.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the song is "ribcage" by andy black

_Nothing in the cage of my rib cage_  
_Got no heart to break, I like it that way_  
_Nothing in the cage of my rib cage_  
_Emptiness is safe, keep it that way_

Deceit looks in the mirror, frowning when the light catches the glint of his scales. He puts a gloved hand over them, imagining a face that is nothing but warm human skin on both sides, two warm brown eyes with flecks of gold.

When he opens his eyes, a yellow snake's eye peers through a gap in his fingers. He sighs, turning away before he acts on the urge to smash the mirror. If he does, Remus will come running and he doesn't want to explain to the impulsive side why _he_ can act on his urges, but Remus can't (especially because the truth is, he _shouldn't_). 

The others supposedly accept him now. Him and Remus both. But Remus has an easier time. Remus is loud and energetic and nearly brutally honest and Roman's brother. That, more than anything, cements his position in the group, Deceit thinks. He's Roman's twin, and that means he can't be _that_ bad, right?

Nothing like the secretive half-snake. Nothing like _Deceit_. He takes refuge in his title like a poisoned sanctuary. Patton's eyes slide uneasily off his when he enters the room. Virgil goes all bristly, shoulders hunched in his patched hoodie, so unlike the one Deceit originally helped him create. Logan is perhaps the only one besides Remus to treat him like any other side, even going so far as to engage him in debate or discussion every once in a while. And Roman...

Roman treats him like the villain of the story. He's eased off, but Deceit knows that it must still thrum with every heartbeat. After all, Roman is a prince. Every good fairy tale needs a villain. And now that Virgil is supposed to be one of the good guys, who else could step into that role? Remus perhaps, but it doesn't have the same ring to it. He doesn't care, anyway. 'Villain' is a title he wears with broken pride.

He hesitates. Tonight is movie night. Patton invited him, but does he actually mean it? Or is it nothing but a false plea, ringing hollow? Deceit isn't sure, and it chafes. He should _know_. He is, after all, the purveyor of lies. Then again, perhaps not even Morality is certain.

He leaves his room, drawing his cloak around him like armor, and stalks down the hallway. Just before he reaches the stairs, he peers down into the living room.

Cozy domesticity meets his eyes. He blinks rapidly, clearing the mist from his human eye. Remus is sprawled out on the floor in front of the TV, coloring something that's bound to be gory and gruesome. Virgil's sat in his favorite chair, feet tucked up underneath him. Logan sits on the sofa, leafing through a book, while Patton bustles around in the kitchen, preparing popcorn and other favored movie snacks. Roman-

Roman is practicing his lines for some play or another in the Imagination, gesturing grandly around him while Logan asks him to watch where he's going and Remus complains when he comes too close to stepping on Remus's paper. It makes Deceit's heart hurt, thinking of the reactions if he goes downstairs. Logan will coolly greet him. Remus might bounce to his feet, enfolding Deceit in an overbearing hug. Patton will smile and it won't meet his eyes. Roman will stop practicing, might let a lie-themed nickname slip. Virgil might even leave, vanishing to his room. 

The mood will be utterly shattered, like a snow globe slipping from an unsteady grip. No. Deceit shakes his head, his fingers clutching the banister. Not yet. <strike>Not ever.</strike>

He looks down and his eyes blow wide in panic. Roman's surprised gaze meets his, Roman's mouth drawn in a troubled frown.

Heart pounding like a wild thing's, Deceit turns and flees to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to be descriptive idk


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics from breaking benjamin's "dance with the devil"

_I believe in you, I can show you that_  
_I can see right through all your empty lies_  
_ I won't last long, in this world so wrong_

Roman's eyes meet Deceit's and even from here, he can see the panic bloom. The deceitful side steps back so fast, it's almost as if he's sunk out. Roman would believe he _has_, if not for the very faint whisper of noise that is Deceit's feet, running helter skelter down the hallway.

"Roman?" Logan asks in surprise. "Are you all right?"

"Fine," Roman lies. "I'm fine. I just realized I forgot something in my room. Excuse me a moment." And with that, he's gone, climbing up the steps as fast as he dares without drawing suspicion. As it is, he can feel Virgil's eyes burning into his back.

He doesn't know how he feels about Deceit. Truthfully, he never has. When he coined the term 'Dark Side,' it was with a twist of fanciful whimsy. He never expected it to catch on the way it did. He never thought it would be used to actually _shun_ the others. They are all useful bits and bobs of Thomas, whether anyone wants to admit it or not.

Deceit's room looms ever closer, and as he draws near, he can see the door is tightly shut. The doorknob shines dully in the dim light, a beacon drawing him on, like a jeweled treasure chest in the Imagination. Roman swallows, plucking up his courage. He doesn't knock. He knows that Deceit won't answer.

Instead, he tries the knob and to his surprise, it opens easily. He slips inside, nearly scraping his hip on the door frame, and edges the door shut behind him.

"Get out," Deceit says dully, from his slumped and huddled position on the bed. He resembles nothing more than a yellow-framed puddle, riotous tendrils of red-tinged curl escaping from under the rim of his hat.

"No," Roman counters, as boldly as he can (which is not very, truth be told). "Why didn't you come downstairs?" Deceit barks out a laugh so harsh, it sends Roman staggering back a pace.

"Are you serious?" Deceit demands. "Do you really think I don't know?"

"Don't know what?" Roman asks, perplexed. Deceit looks up at that, and Roman can see that his human eye is red-rimmed and brimming with tears the other side hasn't let fall.

"I know when I'm not wanted, thanks," Deceit hisses.

"But Patton-" Roman starts. Deceit waves an airy hand, cutting him off mid-sentence.

"I know a pity invite when I see one," Deceit sneers, the bitterness in his voice so thick, Roman could choke on it.

"Then listen to my invitation," Roman says. His heart thumps in his ears, trembling like a baby bird ready to fledge. "_I_ want you there." Deceit stares at him in slack-jawed surprise, obviously testing for the lie.

"It isn't a lie," Roman says. "I- I like seeing you. I like spending time with you."

"But _why_?" Deceit persists, and now it is his turn to look baffled, his snake eye glittering in the light. Roman thinks it looks especially beautiful, as do the scales trickling down his neck.

"Because you're _you_," Roman says helplessly. "You don't patronize my brother, I enjoy your sense of humor when you let yourself express it, I like listening in on your debates with Logan, even when I don't understand more than half of them, I just-" He flutters his hands, trying to express what he's never tried to put into words before. "I should be better at this," he says, biting his bottom lip in frustration. "But I'm afraid I don't have any practice."

"Any practice at what?" Deceit whispers. He's gone very still, like a statue has taken his place on the rumpled bed.

"Telling someone how much I like them," Roman says, his face burning like the sun has risen and set on the planes of his cheeks, breaking across the slope of his freckled nose. "How much I enjoy their company. How much I enjoy _you_."

"But you-" Deceit breaks off. "You hate me," he says, and he looks so _lost_, Roman's heart aches.

"I don't hate you," Roman says firmly, breathing all of his intent into the words. "I have _never_ hated you. You- I treated you poorly, and I apologize. It is a poor prince who treats someone like the villain just because they are convenient. But even then, I never hated you."

"I'm afraid I don't understand," Deceit murmurs. Impulsively, Roman strides across the fluffy carpet, going down on one knee in front of the trembling half-snake side.

"Deceit," he says, and Deceit's head snaps up. His mouth quivers, and Roman can see the tip of one fang peeking out. "Would you do me the great honor of accompanying me to movie night?"

"But-" Deceit protests weakly. "The others-"

"If they have a problem with it, then we can have our own movie night," Roman insists. "If- if you want?"

A tentative smile blooms on Deceit's face, and Roman feels his heart warm.

"I would love to," Deceit says shyly.

It still takes a moment to coax Deceit back out of his room, but he trails docilely after Roman, hands loosely intertwined. This time, Roman guides him down the stairs. Logan looks up and gives them a quiet nod of approval and Roman can feel some of Deceit's tension dissipate.

"Did you find what you forgot?" Virgil asks, not looking up. Roman beams as he settles Deceit at his side, one arm wrapped around his shoulders.

"I certainly did," he answers.


End file.
